The Kings of Westeros Song (The Revised Edition)
by Alek Sands
Summary: 300 years of Kingly Rule over the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men compile in one simple and easy to (sort of) learn song. Remake. 6th Anniversary. Parody of the "King and Queens of England" Song from Horrible Histories. Add music by looking it (the basis) up on YouTube.


**The following is a non-profit song parody. I would usually say who the real rights belong to and say support it, but since GRRM doesn't support fanfiction and everyone is already buying his books and the TV Series based on them (which D &D are generally just watering down), I won't bother this time.**

 **However . . . ; "The Monarch's Song" (of which this is a parody of) is owned by BBC,** **Lion TV,** **Citrus Television,** **The Horrible Histories cast and crew, Terry Deary (original author the television series is based on), and Chas &Dave (original musics the song is based on). Please support the official release.**

 **For anyone not familiar with the original version, here:** **watch?v=dqHwMloqHY4. This video is the "official version", but their's a delay in video to soundtrack so if you watch it you'll find it doesn't quite work, but if you type in "Horrible Histories Monarch Song", you'll probably find a different version.**

 **Anyways, play it in the background for greater effect, but it's still readable without the necessary tune. Enjoy:**

* * *

 **Aegon I**

I'm Aegon, called the Conqueror,

Watch out for Balerion.

King of Andals and First Men,

But I'm Valyrian.

#

In 1 AC, my great conquest,

I gave to history;

Three dragons and two sister-wives,

But enough about me.

#

To help remember all your kings,

I've come up with this song.

A simple rhyme and ditty

For you all to sing along . . .

#

Oh: Aegon . . .

(Bit short, innit?

We need more kings.

Who came next?)

#

 **Maegor I**

Aenys first, of his name,

Fell out of faith, who's to blame?

I took over, Maegor one.

 **Aegon I**

That's my next eldest son!

#

The throne killed him, it's true with him

 **Jaehaerys I**

I, Jaehaerys, succeeded him.

#

"The Consoliator", that's right.

Abolished the laws of first night.

Viserys one, what a disaster;

Dance of Dragons is coming after.

#

 **All**

Aegon, Aenys and Maegor

Jaehaerys, then Viserys, oi!

 **Jaehaerys I**

Time for great-grandson, King Daeron one

To take up this song;

#

 **Daeron I**

Aegon two said "I am king",

Rhaenrya said "he's not!"

Burnt alive by his dragon,

That must have hurt her lots.

#

Aegon three, no empathy

The dragons are no more!

 **Baelor I**

Daeron one was king fifteen,

Then died, yes in Dorne.

#

King Baelor, lot's galour

I died while in fast, (moi!)

Viserys two ruled just one year,

Then Aegon four at last!

#

 **Daeron II**

Daemon Waters, Bittersteel

All Blackfyres are bad.

They fought five wars with my kingdom

And it's all because of my dad.

#

I now stood, called the Good

Made peace and brought Dorne to the table

Aerys one came but then died, Spring Sickness unstable

Son called Maekar, was a breaker, and along came-

 **Aegon V**

Me!

#

Aegon five, I died in a blaze.

Summerhall, R.I.P.

#

 **All**

Aegon, Aenys and Maegor,

Jaehaerys, then Viserys, oi!

Aegon, Aegon, Daeron One,

Then Baelor and again Viserys.

#

Aegon four the Unworthy

Daeron two, we all will sing.

Aerys One, Strong Maekar,

 **Maekar I**

That's me, now another king;

#

So unlikely my son came

As Aegon five he lead

Travelled round with tall Duncan

Used bushes as a bed.

#

 **Jaehaerys II**

When Maelys came, it was up to me;

Jaehaerys, but I died quite soon-y.

King Aerys two was scary, whoo,

A villain and a looney.

#

Targaryen's done, the Trident won!

The Mad King had his fun.

And so throughout, the dragons were out,

 **Robert I**

And along came me, King Robert One!

#

 **All**

Aegon, Aenys and Maegor,

Jaehaerys, then Viserys, oi!

Aegon, Aegon, Daeron One,

Then Baelor and again Viserys.

#

Aegon four the Unworthy

Daeron two, we all will sing.

Aerys One, Strong Maekar

King Aegon the Unlikeling

#

King Jaehaerys

And Mad Aerys

 **Robert I**

Now here comes

The crowned stag, please.

#

And so began the Baratheon gang

I smashed Rhaegar chest!-

 **Jaehaerys II**

Grim

With Aerys dead, Lord Robert said,

 **Robert I**

"Now I'll replace mad him"

#

 **Jaehaerys II**

King Robert of course, was known hence forth

As angry, fat and cross.

 **Robert I**

(Hang on!)

 **Jaehaerys II**

It's true you smashed the Greyjoys,

But were mostly a dead loss.

 **Robert**

(Bang on!)

#

 **Jaehaerys II**

You left no legitimate sires,

 **Robert**

(What!)

 **Jaehaerys II**

Golden Baratheons are no such things.

And now reach the prelude to;

The War of the Five Kings!

#

 **All**

Aegon, Aenys and Maegor,

Jaehaerys, then Viserys, oi!

Aegon, Aegon, Daeron One,

Then Baelor and again Viserys.

#

Aegon four the Unworthy

Daeron two, we all will sing.

Aerys One, Strong Maekar,

King Aegon the Unlikeling.

#

King Jaehaerys

And Mad Aerys,

Robert, followed

close by Joffrey-s.

#

 **All**

(The Illborn!)

(Aerys the Third!)

(Young Usurper!)

(Incest Foulspawn!)

 **Jaehaerys II**

(A murderous little cunt he was, you know.)

#

So Stannis rose, then Tommen ruled,

then soon came Aegon how?

Thus so our famous monarch song

Is brought right up to now!

Ohh!

#

 **All**

Aegon, Aenys and Maegor,

Jaehaerys, then Viserys, oi!

Aegon, Aegon, Daeron One,

Then Baelor and again Viserys.

#

Aegon four the Unworthy

Daeron two, we all will sing.

Aerys One, Strong Maekar,

King Aegon the Unlikeling.

#

King Jaehaerys

and Mad Aerys,

Robert, followed

close by Joffrey-s.

#

Tommen followed,

And so may Stannis

And here comes Aegon,

Now done this is!

#

That's all the kings there've been-ta

Until out comes the Winds of Winter!

* * *

 **Happy 6th Anniversary to me.**

 **I started writing on this site back on this day in 2011, but it was only this year and the last months of the previous that I really started committing fully to this site with stories that lasted longer than a chapter of barely 1,000 words, and so I wanted to do something to mark the occasion. I had written this on that same day (and published it the same), but it was rather shoddy and so I thought that a well deserved rewrite with better knowledge and writing applied.**

 **It also marks six years and the next book has still not been released, so the changes in monarchy had not been changed what so ever. So, yeah, I only changed it up to include the Kings contending for the throne since it's unknown whether any of the latter two will ever sit the throne, while others either had no aims for the Iron Throne (Robb, Euron, Balon), were already dead (only really Renly, but also applies to Robb and Balon) or are not even part of the war as of yet in the books (looking at you, Daenerys).**

 **Anyways, thanks for reading and if we ever finish this Song of Ice and Fire, we may see a third rewrite in the future, but I suspect I'll be twice my age by then so it will be quite a long time before then.**

 **So, that's all from me, and thank you again. Bye!**


End file.
